I have surrendered. It is zero-three-hundred hours. The war against The Mosquitoes has lasted all night and they have finally outwitted me in terms of both weaponry and defence. I am too sweet, too slow, and too exposed. Their relentlessness and my burrowing is reminiscent of World War I trench warfare.
It has now been three weeks since my apartment became a haven for mosquitoes virtually every night. It started with mild belligerency- an occasional buzzing and bite. (Wait... buzzing mosquitoes? Oh, believe me, folks, these ain’t no ordinary mosquitoes. They wake you with their siren-like wail, as if to warn you, and then dive bomb to inject you with the itchiest venom they could scrounge up. Unfortunately, they aren’t kamikazes- that would be too helpful.) Recently, however, the night raids have escalated to something I simply can’t tolerate. Here have been my defence strategies:
1. Dressing up for Nordic conditions with the hopes of reducing the amount of bare skin. This included tying a hoody tight around my face, leaving only the middle of my face exposed to the elements. Was it a successful strategy? Ask my face after it looked like I had a mild case of the chicken pox for a week. Of course, I’m exaggerating, but five bites to the face is definitely a painful lesson in humility.
2. Burning incense. For some reason, I thought that because my incense smells like the weird “dragon” sticks I was told to burn in Haiti, it would ward off the beasties. I guess I chose to forget the part where the dragon sticks worked horribly and I ended up experiencing a night full of hallucinations, including one of falling through my bed and being incapable of opening my eyes. If the mosquitoes became feverish off my incense, I was not made aware of it.
3. Keeping the fan on throughout the night, despite chilly temperatures. I can’t really explain this tactic, except that I apparently thought the wind current would blow the pests off track. It didn’t.
4. Burning candles. See failed strategy #2 for possible explanations.
5. Flinging the blankets wildly every half hour. Opening the lights. Hunting down the mosquitoes with the palm of my hand. Wiping up the blood of my sworn enemies with my recycled toilet paper. Probably the most successful method of defence if we are taking a head count, but not conducive to restful nights. Plus, whenever I squash a mosquito, it’s a bit disturbing to discover how much bloodsucking was done before I was able to retaliate effectively.
Anyway, this past night I tried a combination of the above-mentioned strategies since my bite count has gone into the double digits. I guess I thought that mixing it up a bit would confuse and divide the forces. Funny how I’m the one up in bed writing and I have yet to see the mosquitoes retire. Maybe they do their blogging during the daytime...
